FROM THE BOOK OF JACKSON

 

CANT LOOK AT IT FOR TOO LONG

 

This is the saddest photo i have, but also the most beautiful,  the one that breaks my heart and I cant help but just see such innocence and still something foreboding.

 

My little outlaw,I couldn´t love him more in that photo, that moment, and I knew it too.

 

When I took the picture, i said to myself, someday this photo will break your heart.

 

Oh fuck what a life this is of carefully hidden sorrows like a strange kind of easter egg hunt and what is on one sunday night just a walk behind where your sister and your niece live at the edge of the foothills that roll to the mountains,  a year, or two, or ten later is the cornerstone for all things you miss the most and wish you could go back and hold onto, a minute longer.

 

I wonder now why i ever left.

 

I just sit here now looking with an empty bag of nothing in my hands.

 

To be brave. To witness things, to be the delivery man for whats Gods to deliver, to just tell the truth not as I owe it, but only as I see it as I feel it, as it has burned into my eyes, as it leaves the ashes in my hands. .

 

 

We are all broken at the edges, we are lost in the shadows, we have all missed the place we were to just love and nothing more somewhere, sometime.we all have a photo somewhere that will forever remind us of how beautiful it was, wishing now we could have walked forever but never futher than right there.